Anxiety Success Story!

Jim's Story from Social Anxiety Institute

Up until grade 3, I had a pretty ordinary childhood. I am by nature introverted and a bit quiet. In my first school, I was a slow learner, and fell behind the other kids. At age 8, I went to elementary school (grades 3-6).

Unfortunately, kids from several schools were merged together into this school, and I ended up in a class with a bully and several of his friends. It didn’t take them very long to figure out that I was shy, and not very proficient at defending myself.

It started out with constant name calling and taunting by this “clique” of bullies. The teachers saw what was going on, and didn’t do anything about it. As a shy kid, I found it hard to defend myself, and so the bullies moved things up a notch. They started making up rumours and stories about me, and gossiping to everyone who would listen. As a result, all the other kids started to avoid me, and I lost all the friends that I had. Soon after, it became a popular activity to join in on the harassment, to the point where virtually all the kids my age were joining in on the bullying.

My parents didn’t understand either. I remember coming home from school crying every day, and I’d tell them what had happened. They’d give me the “stiff upper lip” line, and tell me to face my bullies. I don’t think they realized the extent of the bullying, and didn’t think they needed to do anything about it. Society seems to have this idea that boys are supposed to be strong and “macho”, and fight their way out of their problems. Quite frankly, fighting was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted the bullying to stop! Over the 3 years I spent in elementary school, pretty much all the social input I got was extremely negative. I was told that I was ugly, stupid, and filthy. Nobody would even touch me, telling me that they’d get sick from my “germs”. I had no friends, and nobody pulled me aside to tell me that any of these things weren’t true.

Over time, I started to believe what I was being told. Even at that age, I was rapidly growing upwards, but not outwards. Tall and scrawny and uncoordinated pretty much described me. I got paranoid about the way I looked, and I developed a hatred for my appearance. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

I came to believe that everything about me was wrong and hideous, and my self esteem plummeted. I avoided my peers whenever possible, and learned that the best response to anything social was to remain silent, and try not to get noticed. Maybe that way, they’d leave me alone!
(Of course, later on I realized this was exactly the wrong thing to do!)

After this, I moved on to Jr. High (grades 7-9). Fortunately, the bullies in elementary moved on to a different school. Unfortunately, a fresh batch had arrived. By this time, I had a good case of social anxiety. I had no self esteem, and avoided contact with others whenever possible. I was afraid that they would realize how “hideous” I really was if they talked to me, and then they would hate me. The insults I received in elementary became my own thoughts in Jr High, and all of it was negative.
Of course, I didn’t realize that my thoughts and beliefs were coming from my own "self talk"... and my self talk was based on the untrue things that were hurled at me in elementary school.

To Continue Reading and for more resources visit Social Anxiety Institute OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY: STEP BY STEP (20 Cassete)